Ever have to deal with mean, verbally abusive language from your addicted loved ones? If so, you know how difficult it can be to cope with! As we have discussed before, using The Four Foundations of Family Recovery, namely: self care, being a loving person, setting boundaries, and getting support, can really help when things get difficult. In fact, these simple ideas can give you a framework to deal with any situation involving chaos, dysfunction or other negative behavior in your life. Here are some questions you can ask yourself as you consider how to implement each of these principles in your life:
1. Self care: What am I doing to nurture myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually in the midst of all this turmoil? What about this situation is distracting me from my own self care and what do I need to do to bring the focus back to myself?
2. Being a loving person: How can I be a loving person to myself in this situation? What would help me to detach from the addict and his/her behavior? How can I be there for my child in a loving way throughout all of this? In what ways does my escalating the emotional temperature of the relationship with the addict help improve the situation for my child and family’s sake and in what ways might it make things more difficult for him/her? What could I do that would lower that temperature while still taking care of myself and protecting my family from any harm? How might the willingness to blame the addiction and forgive the addict in this situation help me to treat him or her more lovingly? Am I willing to observe the addict’s behavior and describe it to him later, non-judgmentally, when things are calmer and he/she is sober?
3.Setting boundaries: What types of boundaries do I need to set in this situation that will make my life better, as well as that of my children/family? How can I go about setting them, in a loving yet effective way, without neglecting my own self care, my own inner peace?
4. Getting support: Dealing with this type of a situation is right up Alanon or Naranon or CODA’s alley. Are any of those programs ones I frequent either in person or on the phone? If so, do I have a sponsor? Am I willing to work the steps in terms of my own relationships with others, which these programs can help me do? And/or do I have a therapist, family recovery coach or other helping professional to help me get through this and move forward effectively with my life? Getting support can be so important as it can provide the inner power necessary to implement the other foundations.
Regardless of which foundation you activate first, do your best to keep calm in order to assure you don’t make things worse in the process of dealing with the situation.
If these foundations sound worth pursuing, I’d be happy to speak with you further about how you could use them to take a positive leap of growth in your relationships with the addicts and/or other dysfunctional people and relationships in your life.
You can call me at 786 859 4050 for a complimentary famly recovery coaching session or email me at recoverycoachbev@theempowermentcoach.net .
You are also welcome to join me on a free preview call for my upcoming course on The Four Foundations of Family Recovery: Simple Ideas to Transform Chaos to Sanity.
The preview call will take place on Monday, August 30th at 3 PM ET. Call or email me to reserve a space and get the phone number and access code for the call.
You deserve to be free of the insanity that addiction brings! There are so many ways to approach it! If I can be of any help, let me know!
All the best,
Coach Bev
Beverly A. Buncher, MA, CEC
Family Recovery Coach
Author of the forthcoming book The Four Foundations of Family Recovery: Simple Ideas to Transform Chaos to Sanity
www.theempowermentcoach.net
www.12stepfamily.com
www.fourfoundations.blogspot.com
www.lifepurposeinrecovery.com
786 859 4050