The Four Foundations: Sharing My Experience

by beverlybuncher on 02. Sep, 2010 in 12 Steps Program, Family Recovery Coaching, Florida Nar-Anon, Focus on You, children of addicts

Dear Readers,

I’m really excited about the opportunity we will have to work together in a couple of weeks on my 4 Foundations Telesemnar! In case you missed the preview call, here is an overview of the course for your perusal. (You can also read a full transcript of the call or listen to the recording by going to www.theempowermentcoach.net and following the left hand link to 4 Foundations of Recovery.)

In six sessions, we will study each of the foundations and you will have the opportunity to begin implementing them meaningfully into your life. I’ll be giving you handouts from my forthcoming book The Four Foundations of Family Recovery: Simple Ideas to Transform Chaos to Sanity to help you grow in your ability to understand and use these tools, and you will have the opportunity to work with me and the other people in the class to become more and more comfortable using them. In addition to handouts from the course, and a recording of each class, if you sign up this week, you will receive a free coaching session during the course to help you better implement the four foundations and, all of this for $29!

People have asked me why I am ‘giving’ this course away for so little. Here’s why:
It is my passion to help families of addicts and alcoholics get their own lives on track for two reasons:

1. There is no guarantee that the addict’s life will get better but if you ‘get’ recovery yours will!
2. You getting recovery is your addict’s best chance of getting well. This is what I was told when I first started my recovery journey and I have found it to be true over all of these years: When I am focusing on my own recovery journey, it does affect my loved ones. When I get off track, I’m no longer part of the solution. I become part of the problem.

So, I’m inviting you today to become part of the solution in your loved one’s life and in your own! And if money is an issue, don’t let that hold you back! Call me and let me know.
You matter to me! I know that sounds funny since we may not even know each other yet. But I’ve walked in your shoes and I am inviting you to take a path designed especially for people like us, whose lives have been touched by the addiction of someone we love.

So, join me for the course!
In case you haven’t heard the preview recording or read the transcript, here is some background information for you on the course…
This course has its roots in the family recovery programs, recovery coaching, in which I am trained, and the current literature on codependency. What makes this course unique is that I have put the principles of family recovery into a simple usable format which my clients find very helpful whether or not they have attended a 12 step meeting or read a codependency book themselves. The point is that these ideas work.

This course is especially designed to help a newcomer to recovery who may or may not plan to get involved in a recovery group, or get a recovery coach, or read a book. But it can also work for a person who has been in recovery for awhile but could use a refresher, either because they are going through a crisis right now or because they enjoy deepening their understanding of these ideas and are always looking for ways to grow in this area of their lives.
Some people are not into groups, or get impatient with the sometimes slow, cumulative effect of going to 12 step family meetings. This course is designed as a quick start or booster course to put everything in context.
It’s not a replacement for the sometimes hard, day-to-day work of recovery. Rather, it provides a context within which to see family recovery that can really keep you going when things get tough.
Before we tackle the four foundations in the course, we will focus on recovery principles that I refer to as the four cornerstones of family recovery. These ideas, which, if you have been following my blog are now somewhat familiar to you, can help us make more sense of the four foundations and of our need to recover at all.
They are:

1. The Four C’s: You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, you can’t cure it. And the MOST important C in my mind: But you don’t have to Contribute to it. In other words, You are NOT responsible for your addict’s addiction and you can’t fix it. But you CAN do certain things that can make things worse or better.

2. The Three A’s: Awareness, Acceptance, Action – These three ideas mean becoming aware of what is happening right in front of your eyes without allowing yourself to slide back into denial of the truth of your addict’s addiction, accepting its presence and your own reactions to it without judgment, and then on that basis taking wise, planful action steps.

3. Breathing through each moment. – This is about getting centered from within. It’s about breathing in and out, slowly and deeply, in order to stop the automatic crazy response that we often have in reaction to the insane behavior of your addict.

4. You are your addict’s best chance of recovery when you focus on yourself, learn when to speak and when to shut up with your addict, when to get involved and when to mind your own business.

With these four cornerstones in place, we are ready to go into the four foundations themselves.
By the way, we will go into depth on these four cornerstones in our first call of the course and we will practice responses to the addict based on them, during that time. After we do that, you will be ready to tackle the Four Foundations of Recovery, each of which will have their own call in the course.
As a quick review, the four foundations of family recovery self care, being a loving person, setting boundaries, and getting support:

Let’s start with self care:
During the course, we will look deeply at the current state of your self care and what you need to do to get it where you want it to be.

You will have the opportunity to develop a plan for better self care, and, begin to implement it. This is something my coaching clients often report feeling the effects of almost immediately. It is a powerful way to make a statement to yourself, your loved ones and the world that you are turning a new page, that your loved one’s disease is no longer going to dictate every aspect of your life. But more than just a statement, it is a way to begin feeling better almost right away.

Foundation 2 is ‘be a loving person:’
If I heard this once in early recovery I heard it a million times, and often I hated hearing it. But, it is probably one of the most impactful things a family member can learn to do.
Of course we will go into depth on call three on how to do that, especially when you are angry because it can be very difficult. You will find out how much of a fixer you are at this point and how to switch gears to a more loving and detached way of relating to your addict.

Next we will look at foundation 3: set boundaries.
This one is one of the most challenging pieces for many family members to do consistently and of course one of the most important when it comes to keeping your sanity and jolting your addict into taking responsibility for their own life.
We will take a setting boundaries self-assessment and you will have the opportunity to begin developing a plan for boundary setting in your own life.

Finally, foundation 4: Get support!
We will talk about how putting this one foundation into practice can save your life AND lead to a stronger ability to practice the other three more effectively. We’ll look at the myriad of support options for family members and you will receive a long list of possible support options among the course materials.
You may enroll in this course by going to www.theempowermentcoach.net or www.fourfoundations.blogspot.com . Drop me an email if you encounter any difficulties with the process or have any questions.
Looking forward to the journey!

All the best,

Coach Bev
Beverly A. Buncher, MA CEC
Family Recovery Coach
www.theempowermentcoach.net
www.12stepfamily.com
www.intherooms.com
786 859 4050

Read full story • Comments { 0 }

What Do You Do When You Get “Bad News” About Your Loved One’s Behavior?

by beverlybuncher on 26. Aug, 2010 in 12 Steps Program, Addiction, Al Anon, Alateen, Alcohol, Family Recovery Coaching, Florida Nar-Anon, Focus on You, Illinois Nar-Anon, Nar-Anon, Narcotics, Recovery, Relapse, Relapse Prevention, Uncategorized, children of addicts, dads of addicts, forgiveness, life purpose in recovery, moms of addicts, need help for child in school, parents of addicts, parents of adult children, spirituality, spouses of addicts, wives of addicts

As a parent or spouse or sister, there will be times when the active addict in your life will do things that worry or upset you. Maybe that’s already happened in your life. Chances are, if you are reading this blog, it has.

So, what do you do? Do you react, with every worried bone in your body, yelling, screaming, nagging? Do you give your addict the silent treatment, filled with judgment and fear?
Or do you respond, taking a moment to breathe, slowly and deeply, remembering your recovery principles, and simply treating the behavior with curiosity, interest, and care, non-judgmentally?

Recovery is about completely changing the way we view the activities and occurrences of others. It is about, first of all, keeping the focus on ourselves, and not searching for all of their inappropriate behaviors. It is about, second of all, knowing that their journey is theirs and theirs alone, not to be tampered with or manipulated by us. It is about, third of all, being willing to be a mirror of what we are seeing and hearing back to them, so that they have an objective third party in their life who is aware of what they are doing and is willing to play it back to them so they can choose what they want to do about it.

Recovery is, in other words, not about prying, controlling, fixing or abandoning. It is about detaching lovingly. It is about understanding that the addicts in our lives are not our appendages; what they do is not a reflection of us; what we do is not a reflection of them. It is about understanding that the uncertainty that their addiction forces us to face is actually a gift; that all people face uncertainty. It’s just that those of us affected by addiction see it more clearly due to the presence of the disease of addiction in our lives. It’s about using that understanding of life’s uncertainty to grow in present moment awareness and appreciation, living one day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time, more and more each day!

So, what do you do when you get “bad news” about your loved one’s addiction related behaviors?

How about trying this:

1. Pause and breathe (self care)
2. Understand that this behavior may help him or her reach a bottom that will ultimately help him or her move toward wellness, so don’t jump in and fix it. (be a loving person; set boundaries)
3. Send him or her a prayer. (get support)
4. If you are with them when you find out, tell them how much you love them and listen to whatever they have to say without getting ’sucked into’ their lies, and at the same time without judgment.(be a loving person)
5. If given the opportunity, share what you know about what went on (just the facts, ma’am) and then let go and let them figure out what to do with the information. (be a loving person – be a mirror)
6. Put the focus back on yourself. Your own life, your own faults, your own areas of growth, your own deadlines, your own responsibilities. (self care)
7. Get to a support group meeting, call your sponsor, or call your family recovery coach (get support).

The Four Foundations of Family Recovery (self care, being a loving person, setting boundaries, getting support) work! Join me for a preview of my 6 week Four Foundations Teleseminar this coming Monday, August 30th, from 3-4 PM ET! Email me with your name, email address, and phone number at recoverycoachbev@theempowermentcoach.net for the phone number and access code of the call.

Looking forward to seeing you then!

All the best,

Coach Bev

Beverly A. Buncher, MA, CEC
Family Recovery Coach
www.theempowermentcoach.net
www.12stepfamily.com
www.fourfoundations.blogspot.com
www.lifepurposeinrecovery.com
786 859 4050

Read full story • Comments { 0 }

What Does It Mean To Be Rich?

by beverlybuncher on 25. Aug, 2010 in Uncategorized

Addiction does not respect socio-economic level, religion, ethnicity, race or gender. An equal opportunity disease, its impoverishes everyone it affects, only not all in the same way. This was brought home to me last night when my teacher Gloria Ramirez (coach extraordinaire), shared a list she’d found of Napoleon Hill’s. Take a look and then let’s talk:

Napolean Hill’s findings on what constitutes enduring riches:
1. Positive Mental Attitude
2. Sound Physical Health
3. Harmony in Human Relationships
4. Freedom from Fear
5. The Hope of Future Achievements
6. The Capacity for Applied Faith
7. Willingness to Share One’s Blessings with Others
8. To Be Engaged in the Labor of Love
9. An Open Mind to All Subjects toward All People
10. Complete Self Discipline
11. Wisdom for which to Understand People
12. Financial Security

In looking over the ranked list, it became immediately clear to me that in the mind of one of the great prosperity teachers of the 20th century, financial security, while one of the factors, fell all the way at the bottom of the list of what real abundance is.

In fact, the first four or five on the list, which Hill considered the most important components of enduring riches, are where families hit by addiction are often hit the hardest. When addiction comes knocking, one’s mental attitude, physical health, relationships, courage, and hope for the future are often hit hardest. At that point, money can help, but not insure, success.

And that’s where the need for recovery comes in. Recovery is the breath of fresh air designed to restore the enduring riches Hill talks about, potentially all of them, in time.

Beginning with self-care, moving through the work of being a loving person and setting boundaries, and getting the support along the way to persist to the true richness of life that recovery promises, is the work that the four foundations helps us achieve.

Moving into the 12 steps of recovery, the potential depth of inner growth can be enormous. Sanity is restored, surrender to faith in a Higher Power of one’s individual understanding is achieved, inner housecleaning is taken care of, amends are made, relationships renewed and selfless service to others becomes a way of life.

Enduring riches, those that go well beyond monetary reward, these are the ones we seek, whether we come to the program in clothing from the Salvation Army or Nieman Marcus. And, the beauty of the recovery journey is, we all walk it together, hand in hand, regardless of our origins of birth or social standing. The miracle of recovery is in its universal gifts of inner peace, healed relationships with self and others and spiritual connection. In these times when so many look for money to solve their problems, recovery does not say money is not valuable or important, it simply says, put recovery first and all else, money, among them will follow.

This coming Monday afternoon, August 30th, please join me for a free preview call on my upcoming 6 week teleseminar the Four Foundations of Family Recovery: Simple Ideas to Transform Chaos to Sanity. From 3-4 PM ET, we will look at the underlying principles that can make recovery work for you, the family member and learn at least one method of restoring the calm and sanity into your life whether your addict is still using or not.

To sign up for the preview call, email me at recoverycoachbev@theempowermentcoach.net with your name, email address and phone number. I’ll respond with the phone number and access code for the call.

Until then

All the best,

Coach Bev

Beverly A. Buncher, MA, CEC
Family Recovery Coach
786 859 4050
www.theempowermentcoach.net
www.12stepfamily.com
http:fourfoundation.blogspot.com
www.lifepurposeinrecovery.com

Read full story • Comments { 0 }

Is Your Addict Mean? To Cope, Ask Yourself These Questions

by beverlybuncher on 22. Aug, 2010 in 12 Steps Program, Addiction, Al Anon, Alateen, Alcohol, Family Recovery Coaching, Florida Nar-Anon, Focus on You, Illinois Nar-Anon, Lois Wilson, Nar-Anon, Narcotics, Relapse, Relapse Prevention, children of addicts, dads of addicts, forgiveness, in the rooms, moms of addicts, parents of addicts, parents of adult children, spouses of addicts, wives of addicts

Ever have to deal with mean, verbally abusive language from your addicted loved ones? If so, you know how difficult it can be to cope with! As we have discussed before, using The Four Foundations of Family Recovery, namely: self care, being a loving person, setting boundaries, and getting support, can really help when things get difficult. In fact, these simple ideas can give you a framework to deal with any situation involving chaos, dysfunction or other negative behavior in your life. Here are some questions you can ask yourself as you consider how to implement each of these principles in your life:

1. Self care: What am I doing to nurture myself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually in the midst of all this turmoil? What about this situation is distracting me from my own self care and what do I need to do to bring the focus back to myself?

2. Being a loving person: How can I be a loving person to myself in this situation? What would help me to detach from the addict and his/her behavior? How can I be there for my child in a loving way throughout all of this? In what ways does my escalating the emotional temperature of the relationship with the addict help improve the situation for my child and family’s sake and in what ways might it make things more difficult for him/her? What could I do that would lower that temperature while still taking care of myself and protecting my family from any harm? How might the willingness to blame the addiction and forgive the addict in this situation help me to treat him or her more lovingly? Am I willing to observe the addict’s behavior and describe it to him later, non-judgmentally, when things are calmer and he/she is sober?

3.Setting boundaries: What types of boundaries do I need to set in this situation that will make my life better, as well as that of my children/family? How can I go about setting them, in a loving yet effective way, without neglecting my own self care, my own inner peace?

4. Getting support: Dealing with this type of a situation is right up Alanon or Naranon or CODA’s alley. Are any of those programs ones I frequent either in person or on the phone? If so, do I have a sponsor? Am I willing to work the steps in terms of my own relationships with others, which these programs can help me do? And/or do I have a therapist, family recovery coach or other helping professional to help me get through this and move forward effectively with my life? Getting support can be so important as it can provide the inner power necessary to implement the other foundations.

Regardless of which foundation you activate first, do your best to keep calm in order to assure you don’t make things worse in the process of dealing with the situation.

If these foundations sound worth pursuing, I’d be happy to speak with you further about how you could use them to take a positive leap of growth in your relationships with the addicts and/or other dysfunctional people and relationships in your life.

You can call me at 786 859 4050 for a complimentary famly recovery coaching session or email me at recoverycoachbev@theempowermentcoach.net .

You are also welcome to join me on a free preview call for my upcoming course on The Four Foundations of Family Recovery: Simple Ideas to Transform Chaos to Sanity.

The preview call will take place on Monday, August 30th at 3 PM ET. Call or email me to reserve a space and get the phone number and access code for the call.

You deserve to be free of the insanity that addiction brings! There are so many ways to approach it! If I can be of any help, let me know!

All the best,

Coach Bev

Beverly A. Buncher, MA, CEC
Family Recovery Coach
Author of the forthcoming book The Four Foundations of Family Recovery: Simple Ideas to Transform Chaos to Sanity
www.theempowermentcoach.net
www.12stepfamily.com
www.fourfoundations.blogspot.com
www.lifepurposeinrecovery.com
786 859 4050

Read full story • Comments { 0 }

When Your Child is Struggling in School – Get Support!

by beverlybuncher on 18. Aug, 2010 in 12 Steps Program, Addiction, Al Anon, Alcohol, Focus on You, Illinois Nar-Anon, Nar-Anon, Narcotics, Recovery, Uncategorized, children of addicts, dads of addicts, in the rooms, moms of addicts, need help for child in school, overeaters anonymous, overeating, parents of addicts, school problems, wives of addicts

One of the challenges many families plagued by addiction face is that at least one if not more of their children struggle in school. Although many other families face this as well, in a family where there one of the parents is addicted, this can be especially difficult. In this situation, things can go a few different ways.

In each case of family addiction, school challenges will be dealt with in their own way. Here are a few possibilities:
1. The family energy is totally consumed with one of the parents, so there may be little energy left to even notice, let alone attend, to the child’s issues. In this case, it may be swept under the rug, minimized, or even ignored. This is not malicious on the parents’ part of course, though it could be seen as neglect, and could really be felt this way by the child.

2. The child’s problems at school could be seen as a welcome diversion for one or both parents, who dive into solving the problem, researching and really helping their child move through their academic issues while ignoring how the addiction could be impacting the child at school

3. The family, still using this as a diversion, could go full force at the school, sometimes blaming the institution and defending and enabling their child rather than finding out what is going on and dealing with it head on

4. Some families just see their child as wrong and may simply blame and berate their child for their lack of success, without looking any deeper to help their child find solutions for their lack of school success.

Of course, it is important for the sober parent to work hard to break through the blanket of denial that often overwhelms families who are dealing with active addiction so that the child can get the help they need, yet it is clear how difficult this can be.

What might happen if families affected by addiction are willing to look at how what is going on at home may be impacting what is happening to their child at school? This of course, is one of the most difficult things to do, and yet, when done courageously, the results can help not only the struggling child but the entire family! Children of addicts and alcoholics face a barrage of challenges in their lives. Being raised in a family where one or more parents has the disease of addiction can mean that their needs are put on the back burner more often than not or that their needs are showcased as a diversion for underlying problems not being faced in the family head-on. When something is brought to the surface about a child’s struggles, the family member who is most coherent, has the opportunity to face both with the child’s needs and the greater family issues as a result.

In actuality, a child’s school struggles offer a family many gifts. Among those gifts are the opportunity to help a child find their best learning style and learning setting, the opportunity to see a child as more than their performance in school, and the opportunity to help the family take a mirror to what in the family is going on that is affecting the child’s learning.

When the addict and the person struggling in school are one and the same person, the situation is further complicated. Knowing when the help you are giving your struggling teen is true help and when it is enabling is a challenge for any parent. When addiction is present, or suspicion of addiction, denial can get in the way and really muddy up the waters.

This is one of those times when foundation #4: Getting Support, can really help! As a former teacher and school principal, I often help my family recovery clients deal with the issues facing their children in school, along with their own issues of family recovery. Focusing on the challenge along with the gifts that the challenge brings, provides a perspective that can be quite helpful to the process. If it would help you to have a coach who can be there for you in both areas, the addiction in your family and your child’s school struggles, give me a call and let’s talk. I’ll be happy to offer you a complimentary consult to see if my services would be best for you and your family.

In the meantime, join me on Monday, August 30 at 3 PM ET for a preview call in which I will introduce and describe my upcoming Four Foundations of Family RecoveryTeleseminar which will take place from 3-4 PM ET Sept 13-Oct 18. Stay tuned for more information or drop me an email for the details at bbuncher@theempowermentcoach.net .

Til Then I remain,

Coach Bev

Beverly A. Buncher, MA, CEC
Family Recovery Coach
786 859 4050
www.theempowermentcoach.net
www.lifepurposeinrecovery.com
www.12stepfamily.com
www.fourfoundations.blogspot.com
www.intherooms.com

Read full story • Comments { 0 }

What It Means To Be A Loving Person – A Parent’s Journey to Growth

by beverlybuncher on 17. Aug, 2010 in 12 Steps Program, Addiction, Al Anon, Alateen, Alcohol, Family Recovery Coaching, Florida Nar-Anon, Focus on You, Lois Wilson, Nar-Anon, Narcotics, children of addicts, dads of addicts, forgiveness, moms of addicts, overeaters anonymous, overeating, parents of addicts, parents of adult children

One of the most difficult things for many parents to do is to stand by and watch one of their children struggle without offering help. And yet, often this is what parents are called to do. Sometimes, allowing another person to work through their own challenges is absolutely the most loving thing a parent can do for their child, particularly but not only when, that child is an adult.

So, knowing this, why is it so difficult?
Lots of reasons come to your mind. For instance, you may say you cannot do so because:
1. “I’m a caring person.”
2. “If I can help, why shouldn’t I?”
3. “Helping is the loving thing to do.”
4. “It’s wrong not to help.”

I could keep going but you get the picture. So, let’s look at each of these:
1. I am a caring person!Saying that you are a caring person so you must help is like saying that you can see so you must act on everything you see. It is just not true. With care, as with vision, comes discrimination. There are some things you must act on and others you must be aware of and feel, but allow to take their own course. The reason for this is that sometimes the caring thing to do is to allow another person to grow into their own ability to solve their own problems.

2. If I can help, why shouldn’t I?Just because you can help doesn’t mean you should help. If you do so indiscriminately, you may keep your child (regardless of their age) from learning the lessons they must learn to be able to handle life when you are no longer around. It is your job to help your child do the things he/she cannot do, to teach them how to do them and then to let go and allow them to practice doing those things. They may fail. They will learn from those failures and do better next time – but not if you fix things each time!

3.Helping is the loving thing to do! It is not loving to fix things and overhelp your child! It’s actually very selfish. It is difficult to stand back and allow them to live their own life and learn their own lessons, especially when those lessons involve drugs and alcohol or other behaviors the mishandling of which can seriously change the course of their lives. But at a certain point, it is their job to figure their life out. You need to figure your own life out and mind your own business. That is the more loving thing to do at times. And learning when to fix and when to let go is one of the major tasks of a person in family recovery.

4. It’s wrong not to help! It’s not wrong not to help. Every time you give money, or pay a bill, or take care of necessities for a grown addict who could be paying their own bills and taking care of their own responsibilities, you are making it easier for your loved one to get drugs and alcohol. In such cases, you may be contributing to their early demise…
So, your job is actually to watch and to willingly, if nervously, stand back. To detach lovingly from another person’s difficulties and allow them to make the mistakes that will allow them to learn their life lessons. And if it begins feeling like your heart is being ripped out to do so, tend to your own heart. Realize that these feelings are more about you and your ability to handle life on life’s terms than they are about anything else.

Being a relative of an addicted person is challenging. It is also a magnificent opportunity for growth. Do you have some personal triumphs in the area of letting your loved one grow up without your over-interference? Share them in the comments box below.

Read full story • Comments { 2 }

Waiting for the pot to boil – When will the addict get well?

by beverlybuncher on 10. Aug, 2010 in 12 Steps Program, Addiction, Al Anon, Alateen, Alcohol, Family Recovery Coaching, Florida Nar-Anon, Focus on You, Nar-Anon, Narcotics, children of addicts, dads of addicts, moms of addicts, overeaters anonymous, overeating, parents of addicts, parents of adult children

Being related to an addict who is actively using can be like waiting for the pot to boil. You keep hoping and praying that this person you love will wake up and get their life together. You watch, you wait, you watch some more. And the more you watch and the more you wait, the more it doesn’t happen. And you talk to the person and you try reasoning with him and you yell at her and you plead with him and you nag her. But none of it works… Still, the pot doesn’t boil.

So, what other option do you have?

Well, you can keep trying. After all, you love this person, right? So, you can’t give up. They will get it. You just have to keep reminding them that you are there, expecting them to get with the program.

So, how is that working for you?

My guess is the clock is ticking away and they are still looking promising, but nothing is really happening.

There is another way:

Give it up. Let go of this other person’s life and life yours. Give them to God. NOW. You heard me. Ask for help.

Yes, I hear you. You’ve been doing that all along, praying more than you ever have.

But I’m not just talking about asking, I’m talking about giving them over to God. Putting your loved one in God’s hands and backing off.

Go live YOUR life and let your loved one figure out theirs.

Sounds harsh I know. After all, they’re sick. How can they?

But, how can you? And how long will you keep pretending to have control over something you absolutely cannot control?

This does not mean stop caring. It doesn’t mean deserting them. It simply means you stop deserting YOURSELF.

There are four simple ways to do this:
1. Take care of yourself – attend to your own needs physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually.
2. Be loving to your addict and yourself – don’t do things for them that they can do for themselves and do nurture yourself A LOT. Tell them what behaviors you are seeing and what your concerns are WITHOUT JUDGMENT and then go on with your life and let them stew on it.
3. Set boundaries about how they may treat you. Set boundaries about how they may treat your stuff. Do this as part of your self care, not to control or change them, but to preserve your own dignity and comfort.
4. Get some support – Go to a meeting of recovering people -Alanon, Nar-Anon, Take a family recovery class, join a coaching or therapy group, get a coach or therapist to help you do all of the above without going crazy. Pray for help and then let go of the addict’s behavior and keep the focus on you!

These four foundations of recovery will carry you quite a distance, if you practice them daily. They are all about you, your life, your sanity, your dignity. They are not at all about controlling or changing your addict. If you choose to practice them, they will become a way of life for you and YOU WILL get well.

Funny thing is, when you start to change, it affects your addict and all of the other people in your life. When sanity enters, when you stop watching the pot and go about your business, it has the best chance of all to boil….

So, let go of your addict and live YOUR life fully.

What do you have better to do?

All the best,

Coach Bev

Beverly A. Buncher
Family Recovery Coach
Author of the forthcoming book The Four Foundations of Family Recovery: Simple Ideas to Transform Chaos to Sanity
Teacher of the forthcoming teleseminar by the same name Sept. 13 to Oct. 18
www.theempowermentcoach.net
www.12stepfamily.com
www.familyrecoverycoach.org
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/pages/The-Empowerment-Coach/152387502845?ref=ts

Give me a call to sign up for a copy of the book at 786 859 4050

Read full story • Comments { 3 }
Older Entries »